"It was early 1999. I was just sitting there, minding my own business when Eric Miller (the Chaplain at the Calgary Young Offenders Centre) asked me to teach mediation skills as a volunteer to the young offenders there. I agreed, not knowing the fantastic discoveries I would make.

"I started to write the program. I didn’t want to simply do what had been done before, as the kids had already had some peer mediation training. Rather than focus on finding solutions to conflict, my program would focus on the conflict, itself. The key was to get them thinking differently about conflict. I found a catchy name for the program, Get The Log Out of Your Eye.

"As I was putting the program together, I discovered The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense which Dr. Suzette Haden Elgin, a linguist, had developed over 30 years ago. Here was a vital key to preventing conflict from developing: practical, proven language tools. It was also the start of a privileged association with Dr. Elgin, a multi-talented lady and noted scholar. FistFree Language™ uses the Gentle Art language skills with Dr. Elgin’s permission.

"Teaching the kids was great fun - and they were learning the program. And using the skills. But there was one key missing: how to deal with stressed-out and angry people. More material was written.

"The completed program was re-named FistFree Language™.

Anne E. McTavish

Work with Young Offenders

Most of the current students of FistFree Language™ are young offenders, although there are a number of adults who have learned and use FistFree Language™ skills.

FistFree Language™ is one of the more successful programs at the Calgary Young Offender Centre, as its Director Frank Vorstermans has said. Part of the reason for its success is that the kids want to learn the program, although some kids initially want to come to the program because it is a fun program. Part of the reason is that it works synergistically with other programs at CYOC. But mainly, it is because FistFree Language™ provides the keys to conflict and to communicating clearly.

Beyond the Walls

Why would a program initially created for young offenders be applicable to other people? Simple: the design of FistFree Language™ is based upon how everyone communicates, with some parts being specialized for those who speak English.

With very few exceptions, physical violence follows verbal violence. The key to dealing with verbal violence is in basic, core communication skills, and that’s what FistFree Language™ teaches.

Core communication skills apply to everyone. It’s how our brains are wired. It’s how language works. Whether you’re a young offender or the president of a multinational corporation.

The newspapers and television newscasts are filled with reports of violence on a daily basis: air rage, workplace rage, road rage, school bullying, school shootings, domestic violence that has ended with one partner being killed. A major component of all these events is verbal violence.

The courts are filled with thousands of cases rooted in poor communication. In almost every divorce, communication has completely broken down. Many lawyers respond to the expectations of their clients for aggressiveness like they see in television lawyers with the type of aggressiveness shown by those television lawyers. Increased aggressiveness by lawyers manifests in mountains of correspondence and court applications at every possible juncture, all of which result in higher legal bills for the clients.

What Can FistFree Language™ Do for Me?

Aren’t you tired of people telling you to "just go and talk nicely" with someone you’ve been arguing with? You’d rather talk to a brick wall because you feel you have a better chance of getting your message through.

FistFree Language™ provides practical language-based tools to effectively get your message through in a nice way. Here are a few typical situations you may face with summaries of part of their resolutions.

COMMON TECHNIQUE: "I SEE YOU’RE ANGRY"

When someone is angry, you need to acknowledge their anger. Address them in a calm manner saying, "I see you’re angry."

However, it does not always work. Or it may take a long time to work and in the meantime, the situation deteriorates. More often than not, this is the situation you face: