Mental
Health Sanctuary Newsletter
September 3, 2001
Thank heavens the Labor Day weekend is almost over, at least for me. I am however happy for those of you who had a great time.
Holiday weekend anniversaries remind me of being in some sort of
crisis in my life or not being treated well medically and the "gates
the help" were closed until the holidays were over. This was yet
another of those times.
Long story short: My county prescriber in switching to a new med to
make me less sleepy left me in an EXTREME mixed manic state and told
me to wait until my next appointment in 9 days and could NOT assist
me then That 9th day never came as I become so out of control I told
them that if I came in on that day I would literally be screaming and
yelling and things would be flying as I was so angry and so
untreated. Much like someone desperately needing food and its left to
starve. No efforts were made to help, like switching prescribers for
that day and I was laughed at, not taken seriously, treated as if I
were not human and told I would be "medically incompliant."
I didn't want to become involved with the police and did not want to
go off in public or scare anyone so I closed my case and quit the
county. All this time we have been search for a psychiatrist who
takes medicare and have been unsuccessful.
We got my old Dr.'s replacement and he had to call the county, as he
had not heard of two of the medications I was on. Just as I had
suspected, it took two days for them to call my Dr. back. My Dr. only
kept me on the meds I was on.
I continued making trips to the crisis unit and the told us of a
place we could go to and "maybe" we could get a prescriber in two
weeks. We went to ER and got a higher dose of my old med and a slip
of a psychiatrist we could see though no guarantee when.
Surprisingly the new "old med" is not taking care of the problem.
All along the way, I would say that 90% of the time we are told "no,"
they cannot help us, we manage to get emotionally abused by these
people. I have been dehumanized, judged, invalidated, laughed at,
despised, and whatever the county wrote is "true and just." Whatever
I have to say is that said of a crazy person and not to be trusted.
These other agencies look as the county as professionals, and their
trust in them is as if they know what they are doing and there is no
suspicion whatsoever that personalities are involved and that
patients within the county system get "black balled: or that county
employees don't play games because they don't like a patient. They
never suspicion that some county employees are burned out and take
this out on their patients.
Now many of these employees are excellent and they get bad names
because of their co-workers and I have met many fine employees in the
county.
People don't just get abused by the county. Mental health consumers
get abused in every mental health system there is. They get abused by
people. It is extremely common for people with mental health
disorders to be abused. In fact the more vulnerable we are, the more
in need we are, the more I think we are weaker and more open for that
abuse.
Some of us are so ill at the time of abuse that are not aware of the
abuse. Abuse to me, feels like a step by step breakdown, a coming
apart, a decomposition and a catch 22. The more I try to get help,
the more abuse I receive.
By the way, I do have a hefty supply of Ativan from the Dr. which
mellows me and I will be getting in touch with the psychiatrist
tomorrow and of course keep on search for a Dr. of my own. I'll be
fine. This is only a temporary state. This I realize.
NEW EMAIL SUPPORT GROUP FOR EXPERIENCE LIKE THESE: BAD EXPERIENCES SEEKING HELP IN THE MENTAL
HEALTH SYSTEM
In the last few newsletters I put a call out for someone to run an
email support group for those of us who had or are experiencing
difficulties in the mental health system. Such a group now exists and
it is super easy to join!
Our leader Ma`aT says "A new mailing list has been formed for
discussion and support to those using Mental Health Services. This
list is open to anyone, regardless of diagnosis, and particularly
those who have had bad experiences with Mental Health Services may
benefit from subscribing. As this is a new mailing list, things may
be slow taking off, but it is my understanding that many people are
having a hard time dealing with Mental Health Services. Hopefully
others on this list will be able to share their experiences regarding
this, and benefit others by supporting them in a way that will help
them with any problems they may be having in not getting the
treatment they should be getting and/or need.
To subscribe to this list send a blank email to: mental-health-support-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
If anyone requires more information about this list contact Ma`aT at maat@ihug.co.nz"
You can bet that I'll be on the list!
The mental health system is such a large system and it is easy to
feel so small up against all that.
If you are getting the help you need, fantastic!!
WORKING PART-TIME
Some of you have probably wondered why I have not gotten back to you
if you have volunteered, etc. Hang in there as I have a lot on my
plate now. Plus I have been working out, when I can, almost daily.
Working out makes my self esteem hit the roof and I am working on
providing a healthy balance in my life.
One woman became extremely angry lately because I confused her letter
with someone else's in my reply and said something to the extent if I
couldn't get it together she didn't want to work with me. I advised
her I was extremely manic, was still working, trying to do my best
and if she had illusions that I was made of steel, she was indeed
wrong.
HERE'S HOW MINE GO:
*********************************
If you have bipolar disorder, especially the mixed state, you
understand. One minute you are crying because you can't find a pen
and then next you are screaming because you can't find the pen and
heads will roll. Then sometimes my real personality will come out and
I'll be apologizing to everyone and saying "I hope I didn't scare
you. I'll do everything I can to calm down. This must be terrible on
you." to a very tearful "I'm sorry, I don't know what to do. Maybe I
should just move away and be on my own." Intense tears from way deep
inside for about 15 minutes. Then someone says something I don't
like. I start yelling. What the f' did you say that for? Is that what
you think? Huh? (louder) HUH? This bookcase is coming down!" The
other person says "If you take that bookcase down "I'm calling the
police." Crying "Please don't call the police." (The cycle just
keeps
going). The beat goes on as the say. Somewhere in here is paranoia on
the manic person's part. Paranoia and some twisted thoughts.
Usually the manic phase stays much longer, the loud and angry phase.
Take care, my favorite people.
Sincerely,
Patty Pheil M.S.W.
Mental Health Sanctuary
http://www.mhsantuary.com
